


In All Her Glory

by AvatarKhepri



Category: Captain Underpants Series - Dav Pilkey, Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26742226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvatarKhepri/pseuds/AvatarKhepri
Summary: Power-switch fic that takes themes from the crossover. Couldn't get this silly idea out of my head so wrote it out. Might build on it in the future, but it's probably going to remain a oneshot.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	In All Her Glory

Oh no here we go again 1.1  
  
Shadow Stalker surveyed the street below her, taking note of the positions her teammates had taken up. They were all on edge, though her for different reasons: when they'd gotten the call about the Undersiders robbing BB Central, command had brought basically all the Wards to the scene, and now they were just sitting on their hands waiting for the masters of escape to decide to come out and surrender. Well, that's what the plan felt like to her, anyway; what little they knew about Tattletale indicated she was a Thinker, and Sophia was convinced that waiting out here and letting a Thinker make the first move was the height of stupidity - but hey what did she know it's not like she'd taken down more crooks than the rest of the Wards combined. She wasn't bitter, no sir.  
  
Her eyes were drawn to movement just past the bank, looked like...a swarm. Fantastic. A touch to her earpiece then, "Gallant, Monarch incoming. Prepare for damage control." She smirked to herself at the muttered almost-a-swear he responded with. Shadow Stalker couldn't stand little miss priss, but she had to admit the girl's power would probably be useful against Grue. She briefly wondered if its signal-blocking would cause problems with...however she controlled the swarm, but dismissed it; if he ended up getting Trump amended to his Shaker rating, just meant they'd have that much more leeway to fuck him up in the future.  
  
The radio buzzed back to life: "Gallant to console, Monarch has arrived on-scene. I've been informed that Panacea is among the hostages." Sophia shifted, grimacing a little - random citizens getting a bit roughed up was just business as usual in the Bay, but if Panacea got so much as a scratch on her because the Wards had pushed too hard in a hostage situation, best case scenario was Brandish giving Piggot shit, and that shit flowing downhill; worst case scenario was that it was more than a scratch and Panacea would have to wait until she felt better to start healing again. What they needed was a rogue element.  
  
Sophia removed her phone.

> SH said:
> 
> SNAFU  
> Amy D in trbl  
> backup pls

She eyed the bank again, where even more cloud was billowing out now - doors must've been opened. After a few moments, some of the people inside began hobbling blindly out of the smoke.  
  
"Hostages emerging from bank unaccompanied. I can feel the Undersiders inside, looks like they're loading up Hellhound's dogs with bags. Maybe gonna try for a running battle," came Vista's voice over the radio.  
  
"Acknowledged. Prepping tranq bolts," Sophia replied, just as she got a text back. A quick check of her phone, and Emma had just sent a gif emoji of snapping fingers. She pocketed it, rolling her eyes, and got a bolt into position.  
  
But console wasn't having any of it: "Negative, Shadow Stalker. We can't afford any harm coming to Panacea. If she's not outside their reach yet, you need to stand down."  
  
They weren't really letting those snakes walk?! "Acknowledged, employing discretion," she grumbled. Inwardly she grinned - they could hold her back, but they couldn't hold _her_ back.  
  


* * *

"I don't see this ending well for us, Tats."  
  
"If you've got a better idea, you can stop bagging her up, then," came his teammate's flippant response.  
  
He grimaced, but didn't stop stuffing Amy Dallon into one of the oversized duffel bags they'd brought. "It won't be the most comfortable ride, but it'll be safe enough," he reassured her. She didn't look too reassured, but his full-body leather wasn't giving her a lot of options for protesting. He zipped it up once she was as comfy as she was gonna get, and with just a bit of difficulty loaded her onto Brutus. Regent was giving a speech to some of the bank patrons about how they'd be leaving in just a minute, which sounded like it was time for him to set up their escape. As usual. A glance and nod to Bitch, and she stopped loading things up and got the dogs ready to run. At least somebody on this team minded him sometimes, he groused.  
  
He poked his head back into the office. "If you're finished playing leet hacker, we need to get going."  
  
"Almost finished here. Been chatting with Monarch," she chuckled, pointing to a corner where a large spider sat motionless. "I think we're gonna have fewer problems now," she added, as she powered down the PC.  
  
He nodded, not sure how much stock to put in her confident tone, given how deep in it they were because of her bad intel from earlier, but he didn't voice it aloud. "You're with me, then. Try not to get shot," he added sarcastically as he began pumping out a cloud to mask the bank entrance. Regent prodded some of the citizens to walk out the door and through the oily smoke, occasionally giving some extra motivation with a brief shock. The villains mounted up after finishing loading the dogs up with duffel bags, and started meandering outside.  
  
"Wards are holding back," Tattletale told him, no doubt barely able to hear herself but know he'd hear her just fine, "With Panacea bundled up, PRT isn't gonna take the risk." Grue eyed the Wards through the smoke, feeling a touch nervous despite how solid their defense felt right now. "Monarch knows the deal, we don't get followed, Panacea gets dropped somewhere safe, we go on our merry way and nobody gets hurt."  
  
"Just can't shake the feeling something will happen," he grumbled, but continued forward. "We'll be emerging from the cloud in a few seconds, you're navigating."  
"tra la la"  
"Yeah, makes sense. I'll figure out a good route..."  
  
As they emerged from the clouds, Bitch gave a sharp whistle and the dogs set off at a dead run, occasionally turning down one road or another without much rhyme or reason. Just as Grue started feeling confident, like they might get away with this, Lisa stiffened beside him. "What's wro--" and then a battlecry shook him to his bones:  
  
"TRA LA LAAAAAAA!"  
  
She hurtled down from nowhere, leaving an impressive impact on the concrete - not that she seemed to notice, her knees didn't even bend to absorb the impact. Angelica stumbled to the side, her balance thrown off by the sudden localized tremors, and Grue went sprawling. He gazed up, and she was there, almost close enough for them to touch if they reached out towards each other. Hers was an image seared into the minds of every villain in the Bay: the red cape billowing in the wind, shiny bald head glinting in the sunlight, manic grin practically stretching from ear to ear...and of course, her signature costume: white bra and panties, with nothing else. When he'd seen her on the news now and then, he'd idly wondered why she even bothered with a bra, flat as she was, but figured even she drew the line somewhere. But here and now, in the moment, all he felt was sheer unbridled terror.  
  
He stumbled to his feet and lashed out with a kick right out of 300, even as he logically knew it wouldn't work. Sure enough, she caught his foot in her hand, barely seeming to struggle with holding him there. "Mixed martial artists are quite impressive, but I prefer _boxers!"_ He barely had any time to groan before her free hand lashed out, and her left hook right to the solar plexus sent him flying back into the dog's side. He heard a muffled grunt and realized he'd landed on Tattletale.  
  
Bitch was coming around, Brutus' jaws clamping down on the terror's head, but she just laughed. "Letting the dogs fight for you?" she taunted as her hands forced the teeth to separate. "You must be _pants_ at fighting hand-to-hand." She flew up, grabbing Bitch by the back of her pants. She flew the master up to some stairs on the outside of a nearby apartment building, broke one of the bars off, and threaded it through the girl's belt loops until she was stuck hanging. "Don't worry, I'm sure the PRT will make sure your time up here is _brief._ "  
  
Grue glanced over at Regent, who just looked amused. Didn't he realize how fucked they were?! He just wandered over, whistling innocently. "Hey Captain, I've always wanted to ask: carpet match the drapes?"  
  
"My interior decorating preferences are none of your business, fiend!" she declared, flying over to Regent and picking him up, who seemed very decidedly unconcerned. She put him in an empty trash can, tightened the lid on by hand, then deposited him up by Bitch. She took a swipe at the girl, to no avail.  
  
Grue struggled back to his feet and started towards Brutus, only to see Tattletale halfway there - she had the same plan, apparently. But before either of them could get a hand on the bag Amy was in, the terror had beaten them to the punch. "Not to worry, fair citizen, you're in safe hands now!" she declared, before whisking Panacea off into the sky back towards the bank. The girl seems remarkably calm, even starry-eyed, to be being saved by such a hero. As they got out of sight, Brian could practically feel the layer of fear leave his mind, and he was once more in full command of his faculties.  
  
He glanced at Lisa, who looked shaken. "We can't get them out," she said, answering his unasked question, "And the dogs won't leave Bitch behind. And we can't bring the money without them...well, maybe a bag each? Won't get far..."  
  
He shook his head. "I think we just need to bail. You won't keep up if you've got a bag too. I'll get one, and we can hightail it out of here before all the Wards catch u--" and then he fell to the ground. He was conscious just long enough to see the bolt stuck in his leg before his vision faded to black.


End file.
